A high school guidance counselor once told me there are four things — and ONLY four things — that children should be guaranteed from their parents: food, shelter, clothing and love. Everything else had to be earned.
But what about after the child ventures out on their own?
That’s a question I’ve wrestled with lately, since my daughter made the decision to move out of the house and into an apartment with a bowling friend near Fayetteville State University. Not just for the school year, but … in her words, “this is it.”
I haven’t been able to put a time-frame on “this is it,” but I’m fairly sure it could be anywhere between the end of this weekend and, well … any Friday.
Anyway, in chatting with a buddy of mine up in Connecticut about this, he sent me something that was supposed to help. It was interesting because, he knew that the one person I’ve always dreamed of interviewing is the one who will never be interviewed — yet the answer to my questions are contained in this fictitious interview … with God.
Here it is …
***
“Come in,” God said. “So, you would like to interview me?”
“If you have the time, Sir,” I said.
God smiled and said, “My time is called eternity and is enough to do everything. What questions do you have?”
“None that are new to you. What’s the one thing that surprises you most about mankind?”
God answered: “That they get bored with being children and in a rush to grow up — and then long to be children again.”
God’s hands took mine and we were silent. After a long period, with a nearly blank mind frozen by awe, I said: “I have only one other question for you. As a parent, what would you ask your children to do?”
God replied without hesitation.
“To learn that they cannot make anyone love them. What is important is who they love.
“To learn that it takes years to build trust, and only a few seconds to destroy it.
“To learn that what is most valuable is not what they have in their lives, but who they have in their lives.
“To learn that it is not good to compare themselves with others … there will always be others better off.
“To learn that a rich person is not one who has the most, but is one who needs the least.
“To learn they should control their attitudes, otherwise their attitudes will control them.
“To learn it only takes a few seconds to open profound wounds in persons we love, and that it takes years to heal them.
“To learn that they may be entitled to be upset, but that doesn’t give them the right to upset the ones around them.
“To learn that great dreams do not require great wings, but a landing gear to achieve.
“To learn that they are masters of what they keep to themselves and slaves of what they say.
“To learn they shall reap what they plant … if they plant gossip, they will harvest intrigues; if they plant love, they will harvest happiness.
“To learn that happiness is a decision. They decide to be happy with what they have and who they are.
“To learn that two people can look at the same thing and see something different.
“To learn that those who don’t consider the consequences of their decisions won’t go far in life.
“To learn that true happiness is not achieving their goals, but to learn who they are through striving toward them.
“To learn that by trying to hold on to loved ones, they very quickly push them away, and by letting go of those they love, they will be side by side forever.
“To learn that there are those who love them dearly, but have a hard time saying it.
“To learn that, even though the word love has many different meanings, it loses value when it is overstated.
“To learn that they can never do something extraordinary for Me to love them; I simply do.
“To learn that the shortest distance they could be from Me is the distance of a prayer.”
***
If you think the answer for what parents should give their child as they transition from child to young adult isn’t in that interview, you’d be wrong.
It’s clear that all we can do is trust the path we’ve put our children on — all the while letting them know we’re here should they need us.
While we may be filled with hopes, expectations and urgings, we can’t force them to make the right decisions — or even any decision. We have to allow them to cut their own path and experience the consequences, good or bad.
If there were just one question I could ask God myself, it might be this one: What is the most important quality a parent should master? I have a feeling He’d tell me it was forgiveness — because it’s something that will forever be necessary and for a variety of circumstances.
And if I could be so bold as to add to God’s answer above, it would be this: Children should learn not to be afraid to make mistakes, but also to learn from those mistakes so that someday things can be made right.
With all that in mind, I could only wish Cheyenne luck on her journey out of childhood and into adulthood.
W. Curt Vincent can be reached at 910-506-3023 or cvincent@laurinburgexch.wpenginepowered.com.
