We’ve all heard the adage that “it’s about as exciting as watching paint dry.” Every once in a while, we might even describe something as being “as exciting as watching grass grow.”
Either way, everyone knew what you were talking about.
Boredom.
Pure, unadulterated, do-doubt-about-it, Z-catching, glassy-eyed boredom.
Well, folks, someone became so bored with their life recently that they decided to pinpoint exactly what in our lives ranks right up there with watching paint dry or grass grow.
This particular study was performed by The Boring Institute, a one-man organization out of Maplewood, New Jersey, and that right there should make anyone wonder about its validity.
I once lived in New Jersey, and I can tell you it is not the kind of place where people are commonly seen with nothing to do.
Had this study been performed anywhere else — like, say, Attumwa, Iowa, or inside an Alaskan igloo, it would have more credibility. Instead, we are left with a list from a bored man in New Jersey.
No. 1 on his list is standing in line. I can understand, because everywhere you go in New Jersey there are lines. Looooooooooong lines. In fact, New Jerseyans take great pride in the fact their state lives up to its motto, “The Long Line State.” It used to be “The Toll Booth State.”
Both of those things are lies. Sorry.
No. 2 on the list, laundry, is something I don’t believe belongs. Laundry isn’t boring, nor is it difficult. It is a great excuse to sit around the house for a few hours and do little else but watch TV while a couple of machines do all the real work.
No. 3 is commuting. Another New Jersey problem, but if they’d just leave the car at home, ride the bus or train and read their latest newspaper while they relax and ride, we’d have a lot less pollution, fewer bottlenecks at all those toll booths, better-informed people in that hell-bent-for-a-heart-attack state.
The No. 4 most boring thing to do is attend meetings. I can’t agree more, since I can think of only one meeting among the 257,000 I’ve covered that wasn’t boring — and that was only because it adjourned after 12 minutes so they wouldn’t miss the seventh game of the World Series.
Nos. 5 and 6 — diets and exercise — should be lumped together, since it’s tough be chugging Slim Fast without also doing wind sprints between the cookie jar and the closet (in order to eat that double-chocolate-chip cookie).
Weeding the lawn is No. 7 and all I can say is … why? Weed are green, right? And we all want a green lawn, right? So why pull out a weed only to leave a vacant brown spot? Makes no sense.
No. 8 is housework. OK, for years we’ve heard how housewives slave in the home all day long cleaning and get no respect for doing it. I don’t buy it. Not only is it not boring, but it’s also not difficult. I’ll take any opportunity to stay at home and clean everyday — and I bet you the “job” is done by noon and I’m on the golf course by 1 p.m. EVERY SINGLE DAY.
I admit, however, that children would add a challenging dimension.
Political debates are No. 9 on the list. This I agree with wholeheartedly. They can also be placed on The Most Worthless List and The Biggest Liars List.
And finally … No. 10: opening junk mail. Everyone gets it, but why is it being opened? Is junk mail in New Jersey more exciting than say, in Pecos, Texas?Just guessing, but junk mail in New Jersey probably consists of things like the Publisher’s Clearing House giveaway of ridiculous amounts of money and 10% off coupons at Radio City Music Hall. In Pecos, however, where the Pony Express still rides (another lie), residents regularly get junk mail like Joe Bob Boondox’s weekly farm report, Willie B,. Blownaway’s monthly dust storm report and two-for-the-price-of-one coupons at Billie Joe’s Cafe and Tack Room.
Personally, I don’t think this study come close to giving us the 10 most boring things to do, so I’ve come up with my own …
10. Watching a TV test pattern
9. Balancing a checkbook
8. Cutting the grass
7. Watching QVC
6. Doing your own income tax
5. Driving through rural Texas
4. Watching the Orioles play baseball
3. Watching paint dry
2. Watching grass grow
1. Reading the comments section of any newspaper website
W. Curt Vincent can be reached at 910-506-3023 or [email protected].
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