LAURINBURG — Father’s Day came a little early for a group of community members gathered Saturday afternoon at the IEJ Community Center for a workshop focused on building stronger relationships between fathers and sons.
The inaugural Honoring Our Fathers and Sons Mentor Workshop, hosted by B.E.S.T. Motivational and Coaching Services, carried the theme “Building Better Men.”
The event featured a panel of six speakers and one community activist who shared wisdom and personal experiences aimed at guiding boys and men to become their best selves. Refreshments were also served. Barbara Bellot, founder of B.E.S.T., served as emcee and read a short biography of each speaker as they were introduced.
John Swarbrick of Aberdeen shared his story of recovery from alcoholism and the steps he took to rebuild his life.
After several DWIs led to a prison sentence, Swarbrick, who has been married 33 years, said, “I learned to be sober after that. I spent the majority of my life selfish and self-centered. I’m just starting to realize at 62 that there is a lot more to life than just myself. My family is everything today.”
Now, Swarbrick said he gives back to the community through work with dog rescue groups and the Lions Club. He shared the story of a 7-year-old girl recently helped through a school vision screening.
“We were doing vision screenings in an elementary school, and we found something [suspicious in her screening],” he said. “She was referred to Duke to see a specialist who said if this condition had not been caught, the little girl would have gone blind.”
Swarbrick said there is value in community involvement and encouraged men to seek mentors for guidance.
Keith Stephens, an artist, author, high school teacher and father of four, told attendees he encourages students and his children to pursue their goals regardless of the path.
“Whatever you want to do, you can do it as long as you put your mind to it,” Stephens said. “There’s nothing you can’t do.”
Stephens added that students have options beyond athletics in high school.
“Sports are great if that’s your thing,” he said. “But if you want to go into art, dance, performance or academics, then do it. Someone’s got to focus on that. You guys are our future.”
Calacia Douglas, a licensed clinical social worker and therapist, said she initially questioned how she would contribute to a Father’s Day-focused event.
“When I was asked to do this, I was like, ‘It’s a Father’s Day event. How can I educate men on what they’re doing wrong?’” she said. “But then I thought, I am a daughter who comes from a household with an absentee father, so I can speak from that point of reference as well as from the mental health side of things.”
She noted that children with absent fathers may experience higher rates of depression, anxiety and low self-esteem, as well as academic struggles.
“That’s why our community has a craving for strong, courageous, fulfilled and supportive men,” Douglas said. “We need them to mentor these young males because a lot of them around here don’t have that.”
Her guidance for fathers included speaking respectfully about the child’s mother, spending one-on-one time with children and sharing personal experiences.
“This humanizes you and initiates new dialogue with them,” she said.
Ricky Pate, father of two and founder of Youths Against Gun Violence (YAGV), shared his personal story of loss. His wife was killed by gunfire 17 years ago while walking home as an innocent bystander.
He said the tragedy shaped his mission and led to the creation of YAGV in February 2021.
“It would tear my heart to pieces if a child was harmed by gun violence,” Pate said. “We need to keep our children safe at all costs.”
He announced upcoming events, including a gun violence awareness walk in June from Washington Park to IEJ Community Center, followed by basketball games and food, as well as a July event, “Water Guns Up, Guns Down,” at Hammond Park.
Pate said community action is essential.
“People say they want change, but they never put forth the action,” he said.
Anzell Harrell Jr., an educator with more than four decades of experience, emphasized attitude as a key to success.
“Attitude will give you altitude,” he said. “The right attitude will open doors for you that money cannot.”
Marcus X, an HVAC instructor at Richmond Community College, spoke about the importance of positive male role models for boys without fathers.
“How can you be a man if you don’t know what a man is, what a man does?” he said. “Men provide, produce and protect. They are dutiful and responsible. Real men take care of their children. Real men respect women.”
He said mentoring is essential to helping young men understand manhood.
“We have to go into the community to the brothers and teach them what a man is supposed to do,” he said.
Herman Little, a Richmond County resident, former assistant N.C. attorney general and current private attorney, shared lessons from his father, including responsibility and financial awareness.
He also emphasized resilience.
“If you get knocked down, you have to get back up,” Little said.
Bellot said the event was created to address a need she sees in the community.
“I serve on the Reentry Board, and I see how many of our young men, of all races, end up incarcerated,” she said. “They need proper guidance.”
She compared the process of personal growth to fine-tuning an instrument.
“Sometimes people need, not a repair, but fine-tuning,” Bellot said. “It’s like a violin. Every now and then you have to straighten out the strings to get the melody right.”
Those interested in B.E.S.T. Motivational and Coaching Services can contact Bellot at 910-434-5828 or [email protected]. She also maintains a Facebook page under the name B.E.S.T. Motivational and Coaching Services.
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