Laughter, tears, healing: M.E.G. supports mothers who’ve lost children

CORRECTION: A few minor typos and dates have been corrected in this article.

ROCKINGHAM — Losing a child is the worst thing that can happen to a parent — that’s where M.E.G. (Mothers Experiencing Grief) serves as an outlet for mothers to come together to grieve and heal together.

“We’re going to pray with you, pat you on your back, encourage you and we might cry with you,” said Thomasine Cox, the founder of the group and assistant minister at Mt. Sinai Baptist Church since 2015.

COVID-19 delayed the inception of the group, but they held their first meeting last October, after becoming a 501(c) 3 in July. They now alternate monthly between Mt. Sinai and Christ Memorial Church.

Cox, who has lost two children herself, said anybody is free to be themselves in the meetings that often serve as group therapy. There are similar groups in Moore, Monroe and Charlotte for those who have lost loved ones to gun violence, but M.E.G. is open to anyone who has lost a child in any way.

“They’re encouraged to continue with their lives,” Cox said, adding that some people become stuck in an “overwhelming void” during the grieving process. “Understanding that there’s somebody that knows or who is going through what they’re facing. We’re asking to strengthen them so that can continue to move forward in life.”

It’s impossible to understand what it’s like to lose a child, according to Cox.

“People will come to you and say, ‘Oh, well I know how you feel,’” she said. “What I’ve experienced, if you haven’t walked in those shoes, you don’t really know. We thank people for being sympathetic and empathetic, but losing a child is completely different from losing a parent or spouse. You lose part of you.”

Ebony Gomez, whose daughter, Ioyanna Barrett, was found dead and nine months pregnant in Southern Pines five years ago, shared her journey from being overcome with grief, unable to face the family of her daughter’s killer, to now being able to hold her head up high and keep a positive outlook.

“Years ago, I wasn’t able to do that,” she said. “”I’m thankful for my growth. This group helped me a lot.”

Molly Watkins said that she lost her son in the early ’90s to cancer, and that it never gets any easier.

“He’s buried at my church,” Watkins shared with the group. “Every Sunday that I go there, I just look out there and it brings back so many memories. I think of him everyday. He died at 22. I often think about how my life would have been if he was still here with me. The grief never goes away — it’s always there.”

To begin their January meeting, Cox shared a ‘word to the wise’ — Lean on God when times are tough.

“We as mothers that have lost children, our hearts feel a whole different pain,” Cox said. “And we knows there’s a grieving process. Everybody doesn’t grieve the same way, but there is a process.”

Elise Wall, who lost her son, Traquan, in a car accident, said she begged God to just let her stay sane after his death.

“I remember saying, Lord, let me out of this pain…with just my mind,” Wall said. “”I got angry with God, can I be honest?”

Wall shared she struggled with why her only child was taken from her, lying in the fetal position at her house, but that during a visit to the hospital, the Holy Spirit was able to guide her to a better place. Ultimately, Mt. Sinai was able to help her in her time of need.

“But not only were you all there for myself and my family, you all were there for the community and my leaders,” she stated to Mt. Sinai First Lady Pat Bennett. “I will never forget the kindness that church showed to us in that time. That was rough, but it lightened the load.”

Patricia Harris lost her youngest son last February, but said she tries to stay strong for her two daughters.

“They try to be there for me, but they’re hurting just as much as me,” Harris said. “I’m trying to stay strong for them and they’re trying to stay strong for me.”

Throughout the meeting, it was clear that the hurt of losing a loved one was not limited to just the ten individuals that were sitting in the room.

“It’s something you never get over, but you get through it,” Cox said, adding that she felt a “calmness” whenever she would visit her son’s grave for lunch.

Angela Stanback thanked Cox, saying she was a blessing to everyone in the room.

“When it first happened to my daughter, I couldn’t even talk about it without crying,” Stanback said. “After 4 years, it still hurts, but with us that’s close in here, it’s like we can feel each other’s pain….It’s hard trying to be strong for someone else when you don’t want to be strong for yourself.”

After each individual shared a fond memory of their loved one or stated something that they still struggle with, amidst the laughter and the tears, each member seemed more at ease that they could be open and honest with their struggle. Whether it was physical, mental or spiritual, no matter what the pain was, there was somebody in the group who had that same experience and could empathize.

Moving forward, there are plans for a men’s group who have lost children. At future M.E.G. meetings, a licensed therapist will attend their meetings on a quarterly basis to provide assistance.

Another ancillary goal of the group is to create a scholarship for children who have lost a parent and to provide financial assistance for funeral services for those without insurance.

For those wishing to know more about the group, contact Thomasine Cox at [email protected] or 910-331-8445. Their next meeting is tentatively planned for Feb. 18 at 1:00 p.m. at Mt. Sinai.

“We’re all in this together,” Cox said to conclude the meeting. “And we’re all gonna make it through by opening to each other in prayer and encouraging each other.”